"The Gods Jam" from Horror of Party Beach
Lyrics: Best Brains Music: Michael J. Nelson Performed by Lisa Fuglie Transcribed by Matthew Olson
[Roman setting]

OBSERVER: So I said to Jupiter, "You know that Saturn -- he's a different kind of god."

CALLIPYGEAS: Ha ha ha... It's a different kind of god... More wine? Good, good. It's from Gaul, you know. You might say it's from "conquered" grapes. Ha ha!

OBSERVER: Open a window...

CALLIPYGEAS: We invented the pun, you know.

PEARL: Is that right?

FLAVIA: Goddess Apearlo, um, from what part of the Empirium do you dwell, generally?

PEARL: Uh, the suburbs?

[awkward pause]

FLAVIA: Oh.

CALLIPYGEAS: Ha ha, I believe Pliny speaks of the suburbs of the gods...

FLAVIA: And what are your godly gifts? Earthquake, fire from the sky? Music, perhaps?

PEARL: Yes, music, music, yes...

FLAVIA: Ah, well, do, do favor us with a song. Lyre.

PEARL: What did you just call me? [Flavia holds up lyre] Oh, of course. Brainguyus, why don't you take the autoharp here, and I will take the gourd with a stick... [whispering] Help me, I can't play a lick!

OBSERVER: [whispering back] Just smile and play along. I'll save your bacon again. [resuming normal volume] Alright then, what shall we start with today? Maybe a bit of "Bitter Dregs" huh?

CALLIPYGEAS: Sure.

OBSERVER: Uh, we'll just jam and see what happens. Okay then.

[fiddling starts, playing a hoedown]

OBSERVER: Okay then.

PEARL: Here we go...

OBSERVER: We're going...

CALLIPYGEAS: Bye Jove, ha ha, truly this is the music of the gods! Wahoo! Ha ha! Come, let us dance.

FLAVIA: No, Callipygeas.

[begin playing "Seasons in the Sun"]

CALLIPYGEAS: [whispering] Come on, Flavia, it's the gods...

[they start dancing]

OBSERVER: Hoedown!

PEARL: Everybody!

[start playing "Hoe Down" from Aaron Copland's Rodeo, a.k.a. the "Beef, it's what's for dinner" song]

OBSERVER: In Asia Minor, it's a Spicy Beef Salad. In Pompeii, Sizzling Beef Potstickers. In Iconia, a rich kettle of Beef Stew. In Gaul, it's rich Beef Chateau Briand.

CALLIPYGEAS: Demigods, join us.

[on SOL]

TOM: Beef. It's what's for movie sign!

MIKE: Ahh, we got movie sign.

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