"(Let's Have) A Patrick Swayze Christmas"
from Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
Transcribed by Paul Ashley and Lisa Jenkins
[On the satellite:]
JOEL: I think it's kind of, uh, hot to be wearing these scarves
TOM: Oh, yeah.
CROW: Well, scarves are a must. You can't go caroling without a
scarf. Catch your death!
JOEL: Man, you were like one of those kids I remember in, uh,
high school that used to sell the most candy bars for the
TOM: Yeah, and you'd be president of the swing choir, too.
CROW: Ha ha! Ah, thanks, Joel Robinson. Thanks, Tom Servo.
TOM: What a kiss-up, this guy.
CROW: Okay, now if you'll all look at your sheet music, uh, we
can rehearse my new song.
JOEL: You wrote a Christmas song?
CROW: Hey, there's no tradition like a new tradition! Ha ha ha!
TOM: Um, wait a minute. "Let's Have a Patrick Swayze
CROW: Oh, yeah, yeah. Based on my favorite movie, Roadhouse.
TOM: C'mon, what the heck does PATRICK SWAYZE have
to do with CHRISTMAS?!
CROW: Hey, you keep Christmas in your way, and let me keep it in
TOM: Oh, geeez.
JOEL: Hey, c'mon, Tom Servo, it seems like a nice enough
sentiment and we can give it a shot.
CROW: All right. Okay. Okay. Uh, 12/8 time, uh, key of A-flat
CROW: Uh, Cambot, shoot 'em the tune. Uh, okay, you'll just have
to stay with me, everybody, okay? Uh, your part's written
out. "Let's Have a Patrick Swayze Christmas", by Crow T. Robot.
JOEL: "Paul, let's have a Patrick Swayze Christmas"?
CROW: Right. Hit it, Cambot!
TOM: Oh! Oh, I start. I get it. Hmm.
CROW: I'm sorry.
TOM: Pick it up.
Open up your heart and let the Patrick Swayze Christmas
CROW: We'll gather at the Roadhouse with our next of
TOM: Not bad!
JOEL: And Santa can be our regular Saturday night
'BOTS: We'll decorate our barstools and gather round and
TOM: Oh, let's have a Patrick Swayze Christmas this
CROW: Or we'll tear your throat out and kick you in the
JOEL: Hold it, hold it a sec. Cambot, stop it. Uh, Crow, I
don't know if I think this is an appropriate sentiment anymore
CROW: Hey, what? Like a good action sequence don't belong in
JOEL: Well, no, it's just that I've never heard of an action
sequence in a Christmas carol before.
TOM: Well, yeah!
CROW: Well, then grab hold o' your socks and read on, Joel
TOM: Okay, pick it up from measure 20, Cambot. Lovely intro,
though. Very tasteful.
CROW: Thank you.
TOM: I like that.
It's my way or the highway, this Christmas at my
CROW: I'll have to smash your kneecaps if you bastards
touch my car!
JOEL: I got the word that Santa has been stealing from
'BOTS: I think that that right jolly old elf better make
out his will, ohh,
ALL: Oh, let's have a Patrick Swayze Christmas, one and
And this can be the haziest...
This can be the laziest...
This can be the Swayziest
Christmas of them aaallllllllll!"
TOM: La la la laa ha HAAA!
CROW: How long before it becomes a standard?
JOEL: I think you gotta come with me. C'mon.
TOM: We'll be right back. Oooh. Save a leg for me! Heh heh
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