"The Bouncy Upbeat Song" from Red Zone Cuba
Lyrics: Frank Conniff Music: Michael J. Nelson Transcribed by Matthew Olson
[On the satellite:]

TOM & CROW: [moaning] Oh, oh, aww...

CROW: You know, aside from the fact that I'll never again experience joy in my life, I don't think Red Zone Cuba had any kind of negative effect on me.

MIKE: Yeah, even being Carol Channing didn't shield me from the effects of this one.

TOM: Oh, hey, I know what we can do to cheer ourselves up!

CROW: What.

TOM: Let's sing us a bouncy upbeat song! Okay?

CROW: Hey! Okay! Great idea!

TOM: Hit it, Cambot!

[Tom and Crow laugh pathetically, then start singing:]

TOM: Oh, whenever I want to cry and bawl
Because I'm feeling sad,
I think of ironing boards and drywall
And then I don't feel so bad!

CROW: Whenever I'm feeling down and blue
And sorry for myself,
I get some staples and some glue
And I'm happy as an elf!

MIKE: Whenever I start to mope and pout
And there's nothing left in my soul,
I check the toilet paper and if we're out
I buy another roll!

GYPSY: Have you ever touched a Post-it Note?
Have you ever looked at boots?
Have you ever sat down in a chair?
Have you ever used a paper clip?

CROW: So if you listen to our advice

TOM: And you wanna feel terrific,

GYPSY: Do things that make you feel nice

MIKE: I wish we could be more specific.

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