--- MST 3000 Songs! ---

from Bride of the Monster

Transcribed by Amanda Cameron and Lisa Jenkins

[On the satellite:]

[A sign appears with the words:]

The SOL Community Theater
Sings hits from
Mort Cambot
and his

['Bots sing in a whisper]

TOM: He's hired.

TOM & CROW: He's hired.

'BOTS: He's hired. He's hired.

JOEL: I'm hired.

'BOTS: He's hired.

JOEL: I hope I don't get fired.

'BOTS: He's hired.

JOEL: In forty years I'll be retired.
But for now, I'm simply hired.

'BOTS: He's hired, he's hired, he's hired, he's hired.

JOEL: I got a job today.

'BOTS: He's hired.

JOEL: I'm selling Chevrolets.

'BOTS: He's hired.

JOEL: I'm bringing home good pay.

'BOTS: He's hired.

JOEL: I just got hired.

'BOTS: He's hired, he's hired, he's hired, he's hired.

['Bots sing in regular voice]

He got a job today.

JOEL: Yeah, me!

'BOTS: He's selling Chevrolets.

JOEL: We're gonna get awnings.

'BOTS: He's bringing home good pay.

JOEL: Maybe even dessert.

[At same time with 'bots next line]

I just got hired.

'BOTS: He just got hired.


[Music changes]

[Knock, knock, knock]

JOEL: I was wondering if you'd like to see my--


JOEL: But I really think you should see my--

TOM: No!

JOEL: It's got a lovely--


JOEL: And if only you would--


'BOTS: Can't you see we're trying to tell you no!

[Music changes]

TOM: Ahh. Zeros, zeros.
None of my salesmen has ever sold a car. Ohh!
Sometimes I think I might be pushing them too far.
I think I'll hit the bar
And try to get my mind off zeros.

GYPSY: Zeros.

TOM: Zeros.

GYPSY: Zeros.

TOM: All of my salesmen a-r-e zeros. Aah.

[Music changes]

[Tom Servo provides chirping noise]

CROW: Good evening, sonny.

TOM: Hi, Dad.

CROW: You look depressed.

TOM: I am.

GYPSY: Come on and have some lemonade.

TOM: Thanks, Mom, but that won't help.

CROW: Just get it off your chest.

TOM: Okay.

[Music speeds up]

I suck at my job.

CROW: No, you don't.

TOM: Yes, I do.

GYPSY: Oh, my.

TOM: My salesmen are slobs.

CROW: No, they aren't.

TOM: Yes, they do.


TOM: I'd like to make a sell, but what can I do?
I'm gonna be a failure just like you, Dad.

CROW: Like me?

TOM: That's right, I'll be a failure just like yooou!

CROW: Now, frikl...so--

JOEL: Extry, extry, read all about it! Pearl Harbor bombed! Roosevelt declares war!

TOM: Well, that's it!

CROW: What's it?

TOM: Uncle Sam's gonna need cars. Why, selling Chevrolets is gonna help the war effort. Don't ya see, Dad? Come on everybody!

ALL: Seeeee the U.S.A. in the--

JOEL: Stop! We got Commercial Sign.

[Random oh's and uh's from the 'bots]

TOM: For crying out loud!

CROW: What's the point?

JOEL: Commercial Sign.

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