"Hired!"
from Bride of the Monster
Transcribed by Amanda Cameron and Lisa Jenkins
[On the satellite:]
[A sign appears with the words:]
The SOL Community Theater
Sings hits from
"HIRED!"
featuring
Mort Cambot
and his
orchestra
['Bots sing in a whisper]
TOM: He's hired.
TOM & CROW: He's hired.
'BOTS: He's hired. He's hired.
JOEL: I'm hired.
'BOTS: He's hired.
JOEL: I hope I don't get fired.
'BOTS: He's hired.
JOEL: In forty years I'll be retired.
But for now, I'm simply hired.
'BOTS: He's hired, he's hired, he's hired, he's
hired.
JOEL: I got a job today.
'BOTS: He's hired.
JOEL: I'm selling Chevrolets.
'BOTS: He's hired.
JOEL: I'm bringing home good pay.
'BOTS: He's hired.
JOEL: I just got hired.
'BOTS: He's hired, he's hired, he's hired, he's
hired.
['Bots sing in regular voice]
He got a job today.
JOEL: Yeah, me!
'BOTS: He's selling Chevrolets.
JOEL: We're gonna get awnings.
'BOTS: He's bringing home good pay.
JOEL: Maybe even dessert.
[At same time with 'bots next line]
I just got hired.
'BOTS: He just got hired.
ALL: HIRED!
[Music changes]
[Knock, knock, knock]
JOEL: I was wondering if you'd like to see my--
GYPSY: No!
JOEL: But I really think you should see my--
TOM: No!
JOEL: It's got a lovely--
GYPSY: No!
JOEL: And if only you would--
CROW: No!
'BOTS: Can't you see we're trying to tell you no!
[Music changes]
TOM: Ahh. Zeros, zeros.
None of my salesmen has ever sold a car. Ohh!
Sometimes I think I might be pushing them too far.
I think I'll hit the bar
And try to get my mind off zeros.
GYPSY: Zeros.
TOM: Zeros.
GYPSY: Zeros.
TOM: All of my salesmen a-r-e zeros. Aah.
[Music changes]
[Tom Servo provides chirping noise]
CROW: Good evening, sonny.
TOM: Hi, Dad.
CROW: You look depressed.
TOM: I am.
GYPSY: Come on and have some lemonade.
TOM: Thanks, Mom, but that won't help.
CROW: Just get it off your chest.
TOM: Okay.
[Music speeds up]
I suck at my job.
CROW: No, you don't.
TOM: Yes, I do.
GYPSY: Oh, my.
TOM: My salesmen are slobs.
CROW: No, they aren't.
TOM: Yes, they do.
GYPSY: Huh?
TOM: I'd like to make a sell, but what can I do?
I'm gonna be a failure just like you, Dad.
CROW: Like me?
TOM: That's right, I'll be a failure just like
yooou!
CROW: Now, frikl...so--
JOEL: Extry, extry, read all about it! Pearl Harbor bombed!
Roosevelt declares war!
TOM: Well, that's it!
CROW: What's it?
TOM: Uncle Sam's gonna need cars. Why, selling Chevrolets is
gonna help the war effort. Don't ya see, Dad? Come on everybody!
ALL: Seeeee the U.S.A. in the--
JOEL: Stop! We got Commercial Sign.
[Random oh's and uh's from the 'bots]
TOM: For crying out loud!
CROW: What's the point?
JOEL: Commercial Sign.
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