--- MST 3000 Songs! ---

"(Let's Have) A Patrick Swayze Christmas"
from Santa Claus Conquers the Martians

Transcribed by Paul Ashley and Lisa Jenkins

[On the satellite:]

JOEL: I think it's kind of, uh, hot to be wearing these scarves in here.

TOM: Oh, yeah.

CROW: Well, scarves are a must. You can't go caroling without a scarf. Catch your death!

JOEL: Man, you were like one of those kids I remember in, uh, high school that used to sell the most candy bars for the marching band.

TOM: Yeah, and you'd be president of the swing choir, too.

CROW: Ha ha! Ah, thanks, Joel Robinson. Thanks, Tom Servo.

TOM: What a kiss-up, this guy.

CROW: Okay, now if you'll all look at your sheet music, uh, we can rehearse my new song.

JOEL: You wrote a Christmas song?

CROW: Hey, there's no tradition like a new tradition! Ha ha ha!

TOM: Um, wait a minute. "Let's Have a Patrick Swayze Christmas?"

CROW: Oh, yeah, yeah. Based on my favorite movie, Roadhouse.

TOM: C'mon, what the heck does PATRICK SWAYZE have to do with CHRISTMAS?!

CROW: Hey, you keep Christmas in your way, and let me keep it in mine, okay?

TOM: Oh, geeez.

JOEL: Hey, c'mon, Tom Servo, it seems like a nice enough sentiment and we can give it a shot.

CROW: All right. Okay. Okay. Uh, 12/8 time, uh, key of A-flat major--

TOM: Good.

CROW: Uh, Cambot, shoot 'em the tune. Uh, okay, you'll just have to stay with me, everybody, okay? Uh, your part's written out. "Let's Have a Patrick Swayze Christmas", by Crow T. Robot.

JOEL: "Paul, let's have a Patrick Swayze Christmas"?

CROW: Right. Hit it, Cambot!

TOM: Oh! Oh, I start. I get it. Hmm.

CROW: I'm sorry.

TOM: Pick it up.

Open up your heart and let the Patrick Swayze Christmas in.

CROW: We'll gather at the Roadhouse with our next of kin.

TOM: Not bad!

JOEL: And Santa can be our regular Saturday night thing.

'BOTS: We'll decorate our barstools and gather round and sing.

TOM: Oh, let's have a Patrick Swayze Christmas this year!

CROW: Or we'll tear your throat out and kick you in the ear!

JOEL: Hold it, hold it a sec. Cambot, stop it. Uh, Crow, I don't know if I think this is an appropriate sentiment anymore for Christmas.

CROW: Hey, what? Like a good action sequence don't belong in Christmas?

JOEL: Well, no, it's just that I've never heard of an action sequence in a Christmas carol before.

TOM: Well, yeah!

CROW: Well, then grab hold o' your socks and read on, Joel Robinson!

TOM: Okay, pick it up from measure 20, Cambot. Lovely intro, though. Very tasteful.

CROW: Thank you.

TOM: I like that.

It's my way or the highway, this Christmas at my ba-ha-haar.

CROW: I'll have to smash your kneecaps if you bastards touch my car!

JOEL: I got the word that Santa has been stealing from the till.

'BOTS: I think that that right jolly old elf better make out his will, ohh,

ALL: Oh, let's have a Patrick Swayze Christmas, one and all.
And this can be the haziest...
This can be the laziest...
This can be the Swayziest
Christmas of them aaallllllllll!"

TOM: La la la laa ha HAAA!

CROW: How long before it becomes a standard?

JOEL: I think you gotta come with me. C'mon.

CROW: Waaaaah!

TOM: We'll be right back. Oooh. Save a leg for me! Heh heh heh.

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