--- MST 3000 Songs! ---

from The Sword and the Dragon

Lyrics: Best Brains
Music: Michael J. Nelson
Transcribed by Matthew Olson and Alana Olson

[In Deep 13: The Mads sit on the couch, putting comic books in plastic bags]

FRANK: Clay, have you seen my X-Men #354?

DR. F: Frank, you're breaking my concentration. I wanna get all my back issues of Starlog organized in time to tape tonight's episode of TekWars.

FRANK: [mumbling] Oh, TekWars is on. That's right. [doorbell rings]

DR. F: I wonder who that could be?

FRANK: [still mumbling, going to door] ...that's right, I forgot all about TekWars. We'll have to see... Tonight's episode's supposed to --

[opens door, finds Bridget Jones and Mary Jo Pehl]

BRIDGET: Hi! I'm Bridget and this is my friend Mary Jo. We just moved in upstairs to Deep 12. We're neighbors!

FRANK: [running to couch] Ahhh!! Clay, there are girls here! Actual girls!!!

DR. F: Uh, ah, uh, don't panic! Um, there must be some instructions on what to do. Somewhere...

BRIDGET: [sitting next to Dr. F] Well, we introduced ourselves. Who are you?

FRANK: I have lots of comic books. I keep them in plastic bags.

BRIDGET: Oh, yeah, I, heh, heh... [giggles]

MARY JO: We haven't seen the laundry room. Do you know where it is?

DR. F: Are we on a date? 'Cause it's okay if we're on a date. Uh, Frank and I have been on, uh, with Frank, yeah, uh... [takes comic book from Bridget, sets it down on table]

FRANK: Babylon 5 was on last night.

BRIDGET: Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it sur -- it was. Well I--

DR. F: Mike, you've got to help us. We're on a date down here. Could you, uh, provide us with some kind of entertainment?


[On the Satellite:]

CROW: It just so happens I've written a topical, satirical review that we call--

ALL: Supercalafragalistic-expialawacky!

CROW: Ha ha ha he he hoo!

TOM: [whispering] Go, go, go! I got it, I got it, I got it! Okay, get out of the way!

MIKE: [singing, dressed like Uncle Sam] I'm the government,
I'm the government,
I'm filled with bloats and perks.
I'm the government,
I'm the government,
I'm the reason nothing works.

TOM: [speaking] Boy I tell you, it's not easy bein' the working man, but at least I've earned an honest day's wage and I can--

MIKE: Thank you! [takes money out of Servo's head]

TOM: Heeyyy!

CROW: [singing] I'm the crime bill: Bang, Bang!
I'm the crime bill: Bang, Bang!
I get shot at every day.
I'm the crime bill: Bang, Bang!
I'm the crime bill: Bang, Bang!
I'm opposed by the NRA. Bang, Bang! ack, ahh [dying noises]

MIKE: [speaking & dressed as little kid] Hello Mr. Senator. My daddy's out of work, and he says it's because of the deficit. So I saved some money in my piggy bank, and I'm going to give it to you to lower the deficit. If an 8 year old kid can save money, how come the government can't?

TOM: [singing] Honk honk!

CROW: Beep beep!

TOM & CROW: Government gridlock!

ALL: Honk honk!

CROW: Beep beep!

ALL: Government gridlock!

TOM: There's a traffic jam at the Congress intersection,

CROW: But the light is red unless there's an election!

MIKE: Government sure can get tacky,

ALL: It's Supercalafragalistic-expialawacky!

[Back to Deep 13: Mads are laughing, clapping, girls running]

DR. F: Oh, ho ho ho! Ho, ho, was that a funny one. That was a stitch!

FRANK: Is nothing sacred you guys?!

DR. F: Oh, well Mike, your movie this week is called The Sword and the Dragon. We won't be watching it 'cause, uh, we're on a date.

FRANK: Yeah, we're on a --

[both notice the girls have left]
DR. F: [to Frank] Pass me "The Punisher"...

FRANK: Better double bag this.

[On the Satellite:]

ALL: [singing] That's the Foreign Policy Blues!
Ha Ha!

MIKE: We got movie sign!

CROW: What about improv?

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